A Breath Away From Perfection

i dont know if i can do this anymore

im fat.
i cant look in the mirror.
im terrified to get dressed because the day i cant fit in my clothes is the day i give up.

and that day is getting close.
i shower in near darkness because my body disgusts me.

toniht i finally broke because my boyfriend confirmed that im getting bigger. i cant stop crying.

i cant go out in public tomorrow. i dont even knpw if i want to make it to tomorrow.

oh how ive missed tony horton <3

finally motivated myself to put in a p90x dvd & whoa.

i definitely have some work to do but illl get there!

im shaking & ill be sore tomorrow but for the first time in a long time, my calorie count is in the negatives!

i totally dont deserve my boyfriend

he spent the last hour telling me how perfect he thinks i am & that im more than anything he’s ever wished for.

the second he went to bed i went upstairs, grabbed what was left of the big bag of m&m’s in my freezer, & ate all of it.

10 minutes later and the m&ms, & the egg whites i had for dinner are sitting in a bowl on the floor and im more relaxed than ive been all day.

if he only knew..hahah